(21F) I come from a very conservative family where relationships were never allowed, but when college came around, I ended up being in a relationship for eight months with a guy (22M). We broke up because I didn’t feel like I could see a future with him. However, since the breakup, I’ve been feeling a lot of guilt. I constantly think maybe I shouldn’t have been in a relationship at all, and that I let my parents down by doing so. I overthink about whether I’ll ever find the guy of my dreams, especially since where I’m from, people judge you for having a past. They place so much importance on being “pure,” and I’m worried that my past will affect my future.
I just can’t seem to stop accusing myself and feeling guilty about it. Some of my friends judge me for having been in a relationship and even feel superior because they’ve never been in one. I don’t know how to stop feeling this way or how to move past these emotions.
Does anyone have advice on how to stop overthinking and let go of this guilt? I want to stop letting these feelings of judgment interfere with my future.
Max Kingson
8 days ago
I (44F) have been married to my husband (48M) for about 20 years. This week, he decided that we are going to hike to Everest Base Camp a few times, and on the third trip, we’ll attempt the full Everest trek — and he wants to do this by next year. While we live in a rural northern area and enjoy hiking together, this plan is simply too much for me. I struggle with obesity due to hormone issues, but in the past six months, I’ve started getting my weight and fitness under control. I’ve been working hard in the gym, and I’m seeing progress. My husband has always been more active and healthier than I have, but even though I’m making strides, I know I won’t physically be ready in time for such an intense challenge. What frustrates me is that I have absolutely no desire to hike Everest. While my husband has brought it up a few times over the years, I’ve always encouraged him to pursue it if he’s interested. I’ve told him that I’d happily travel with him to Nepal, but I don’t want to do the hike. Despite me expressing this repeatedly, he seems fixated on the idea of us doing it together, and I’m unsure how to make him understand that I have no intention of going on this expedition.
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Hellstar shirts
8 days ago
I’m a 23-year-old guy, and I recently found out that a 19-year-old girl I’ve known for about two years has a crush on me. We’ve developed a strong emotional bond over this time, and I’ve always felt comfortable talking to her, but I never thought of her romantically before. After she admitted her feelings, though, I started to wonder if I might want a romantic relationship with her, too. She’s kind, we understand each other well, and I feel at ease around her. But I’m hesitant for a few reasons. First, I had a negative experience with a long-distance relationship in the past, which makes me afraid of going down that road again. Second, there are some family dynamics involved that could complicate things, though they’re not major red flags. I don’t want to risk hurting her or ruining the close friendship we have now, but at the same time, I can’t stop thinking about the possibility of something more. I’m torn about whether I should trust my gut and take a chance, or step back and avoid the risk.
I (27M) have been dating my partner (20F) for about two months, after meeting through a mutual friend. We’ve already had a few arguments, and most of them revolve around my behavior that she doesn’t like. I’ve tried to stay calm and communicate, never raising my voice or saying hurtful things, but she tends to be hot-headed and often shouts and uses hurtful words. I’ve told her that I feel disrespected, but she responds by calling me childish and telling me I’m not "manly enough." The situation took a turn when my friend encouraged me to log into her Instagram account to check on something, as I had a gut feeling that something was off. This was before Christmas, and we had started dating in November. I discovered that she had been talking to a guy from her college, including audio calls. There was a conversation where the guy mentioned a hug and she replied with "you didn’t rush me at all 😘🥰." I confronted her, and she lied about who he was and tried to end the call quickly. When I insisted she was lying, she got defensive and changed all her passwords. The next day, I traveled two hours to see her, and after a long conversation, I asked her to stop talking to him. She agreed, but I told her that I didn’t trust her anymore. Since then, it’s been about three weeks, and I still feel like I can’t fully trust her. She seems very rushed when I need reassurance, and if I express any concerns, she shuts it down. I know she’s been hurt before, as one of her exes cheated on her, but she’s becoming more emotional and frustrated when I share my feelings. In our latest argument, I admitted that I made a mistake by going through her phone, and she became very angry, shouting, "I’m not an F-ing cheater!" We spent her two-week holiday together, but she’s been distant both emotionally and physically during the day. She spends a lot of time on her phone watching TikToks and reels, while at night, she insists on cuddling, needing my touch to fall asleep. It feels odd because I would like more connection during the day too. I’ve told her how I feel, but it hasn’t seemed to change anything. This is my first time experiencing this kind of behavior, and I’m unsure how to handle it. I also feel like my feelings aren’t being heard or validated in our arguments, and I’m unsure how to communicate better with her.
Affiliate Guru
a year ago
Feeling uneasy about my ex’s (20M) behavior—how should I (19F)address it?
We broke up in October which I thought was mutual at the time. We stayed friends but I’ve noticed that his behaviour has hardly changed since. He’ll openly flirt with me or try to get me drunk if we’re alone together and this makes me uncomfortable, especially if we’re with friends.
Recently I’ve realised that he checks my social media accounts several times a day. He “jokes” about songs I listened to once, referenced a title of my pinterest board randomly in conversation once and asks about people I choose to keep on my close friends list. I turned on analytics for my pinterest posts and I’m 99% convinced that he’s viewing my posts multiple times a day.
He posts all of our hangouts online and puts on breakup/pining music when we’re together. For example, he stayed completely silent and serious when “Casual” by Chappell Roan played the other day.
He’s a gorgeous, funny and intelligent person and has so much potential. I want to meet new people but I feel very conscious of his presence in my life, and I don’t want him to react badly if i were to meet someone new. Should I set new boundaries with him? He’s a great person but if this continues I don’t think we can stay friends.
TL;DR: Broke up with my ex last year but his behavior hasn’t changed much—he compliments me, checks my social media obsessively, and makes me uncomfortable. I value our friendship but I might need to set boundaries to be able to move on. How should I handle this?
I (19M) have been dating my girlfriend (18F) for three months, though we've known each other for longer. She’s struggled with low self-esteem for years and often relies on external validation, especially from others, to feel good about herself. In the past, I've always shown her love through compliments and affirmations—about everything from her appearance to her personality—but recently she’s expressed a desire to work on loving herself without needing constant validation from others, including me. This has left me unsure of how to express my love for her without feeding into her reliance on outside approval. We’ve drifted a bit recently, partly because of the busy schedules we both have, and I’ve noticed that even when she’s out at a party, her responses to my texts are short and distant. I want to show her that I love her and appreciate her, but I’m worried that if I keep complimenting her or expressing my love the way I used to, it might disrupt her journey of self-love. TL;DR: My girlfriend wants to stop depending on others for validation and focus on loving herself. Now I’m unsure how to show her I love her and compliment her without interfering with her personal growth.
Corynn Goldie
5 days ago
author james
5 days ago
Affiliate Guru
a year ago
Hi, I'm a foreigner married to a Dutch man. We’ve been married for almost two years, and during this time, I’ve been made to feel isolated, controlled, and degraded. I haven't even started language school, despite wanting to, because my husband constantly disorients me and undermines my efforts. He doesn’t want me to work, makes harsh comments about how I dress, and has contributed to me losing a lot of weight due to stress and constant emotional pain. I try so hard to avoid his complaints and make him happy, but nothing is ever enough.
He is around me all the time, being overly touchy and gropey, even when I don’t want it. The only time he’s not physically near me is when he’s at work, but he still has a ring camera that tracks when I leave the house. I don’t have money of my own and am forced to ask for basic necessities like sanitary towels. When he comes home, he criticizes me about dinner and demands to know what I’ve been doing all day. I do everything—cook, clean, take care of the house, even treat his infections—but he still complains that I do nothing.
He violates my privacy constantly, checking my phone and asking what I'm doing when I go to the bathroom or when I’m on the phone. I don’t have any friends, and I feel utterly alone in this environment. I brought my daughter back from my country, and his behavior has only gotten worse. Now he even wants to follow her when she showers or uses the bathroom, claiming that in Europe, we should be more “free.” He complains that I haven’t taught her how to clean herself properly, even though I am consistently training her.
If I had the financial means, I would leave him, but I have nothing. I feel trapped, dehumanized, and like a shadow of the independent, happy person I once was. My skin is breaking out from the stress, and I feel lost. Worst of all, he told me to tell my daughter that he is not her father. I’m scared for her well-being and safety.
I don’t know where to turn, but I cannot keep living like this. I need help for both me and my daughter. I can’t take the emotional abuse anymore, day or night. Please, any guidance or support would be deeply appreciated.
Nicole H Ballou
6 days ago
I'm divorced with two kids from my first marriage. My current wife was married in her twenties to her high school sweetheart, and they had a child together. Tragically, her first husband passed away from an illness when he was 30, while they were still married. Together, we now have one child as well. Our relationship started off great, but over time it’s become rocky, with ups and downs. While we both love each other, there’s a lot of resentment between us. I feel like she puts minimal effort into the relationship. She has extreme OCD tendencies with cleanliness—far beyond what’s necessary—and spends excessive time cleaning, organizing, and scrolling on social media. She only engages with me when it’s about making an "executive decision" or discussing family matters. We rarely do anything together as a couple. If we’re not at family or kids' events, we’re usually just sitting at home watching a movie with our youngest child between us. Physical intimacy is almost non-existent—we rarely kiss, hug, or have sex. For her, intimacy seems to mean using her vibrator while I take care of myself. I've worked hard to stay in shape and remain attractive for her, but it feels like it doesn’t matter. Initially, she was great with my kids, but as they’ve grown into their teenage years, she’s distanced herself and frequently complains about them without saying anything positive. My kids are high achievers academically and in extracurricular activities, and they’ve never been in trouble. I’ve always treated her daughter as my own, but recently, I’ve started to distance myself because of how she treats my kids. I’ve been the sole provider, allowing her to stay home, and I genuinely don’t want another divorce at this stage in my life. However, my patience is running thin. I still love her, but the way I love her now feels different from how it was in the past. TL;DR How can I make this marriage tolerable or improve it? Are there solutions, or has it reached the point of no return? Any advice would be appreciated.
I (30F) have been with my husband (30M) for over a decade, and we've been married for a couple of years. He’s a very successful businessman, and I’m a secretary at a local college. I bring this up because it plays into how we run our household. Since COVID, I’ve been able to work remotely for part of the week and only need to go into the office twice a week to keep up with filing. My husband, on the other hand, goes into work every day because his job doesn’t allow remote work. Here’s where things have gotten difficult. I was raised in a household where everyone pitched in with chores, but my husband grew up in a family where his mother did everything while he and his family did nothing. He expects me to cook, clean, pay the bills, go to school to finish my degree, and always be in a positive mood. I am so exhausted. He does no physical labor, and while I don’t either anymore (I worked on my feet for five years before my current job), both of our jobs are mentally demanding. The issue is, he doesn't help me around the house at all. He does pay our mortgage and car insurance, and I handle everything else. He leaves trash and clothes everywhere but doesn’t clean up after himself. He yells at me when the house gets messy and tries to “teach” me how to clean, even though he can’t even bother to flush the toilet. He never takes out the trash or replaces the toilet roll when it’s empty. Anytime we argue about it, he claims that because he makes more money than I do, it’s my responsibility to do everything else. Our relationship has become toxic over the last couple of years. I’ve shut him out because whenever I try to talk about my feelings, it turns into him telling me why I’m the problem and how awful I am. I know I’m not perfect, but it’s affecting my self-confidence. He puts me down, calls me dumb, and says that I’m just a “leech” to his money and that no one would want to be with me if I wasn’t with him. He’s also spoken to other women outside our relationship, but insists he’s never physically cheated. I feel like I’m becoming a shell of the person I used to be, and I don’t know what to do.
Affiliate Guru
a year ago
I’m a 37-year-old man deeply in love with my fiancé, who is 35. We’ve known each other for 15 years, and after a long friendship, we reconnected and began dating. We got engaged within a year, and I couldn’t be happier to have her in my life. Throughout our friendship, she dated various men and often jumped from one relationship to another, which I always accepted because she genuinely loves being in love. She graduated from college about 12 years ago and initially worked in a lab. Unfortunately, she became ill from that job, and after seeing a chiropractor, she started taking a lot of herbal supplements, which helped her feel better. However, since then, she has struggled to maintain consistent employment, citing her health issues and stress as reasons for quitting jobs. Currently, her father helps her financially, paying off her significant credit card and student loan debt, which has totaled around $40,000 over the past five years. He is now in his 70s and looking to retire soon. While I’m an engineer and can financially support our family, including her son from a previous relationship, I’m concerned about her spending habits. She often buys nice things to feel better, which I understand to some extent, but it seems like she doesn’t worry about her financial situation at all. I’ve taken on a lot of responsibilities at home, especially since she sometimes struggles to care for her son, leading her mother to help out a few days a week. By the time I get home from work, she is often still sleeping, and I find myself picking up the slack around the house. Recently, she complained about allergies, which prompted me to invest in a $20,000 HVAC system to improve our air quality. Despite this, she continues to feel unwell and has blamed my cat, whom I’ve had for 10 years and consider my soul companion. In an effort to support her, I’ve also spent thousands on professional carpet cleaning and have agreed to have my family cat-sit to see if that alleviates her symptoms. I’m devastated because I love my cat and don’t want to part with him. Meanwhile, she frequently makes jokes about my cat, claiming to dislike him, which hurts me since I don’t think she realizes how important he is to me. Interestingly, she had two expensive purebred dogs in the past but gave them up due to allergies right before moving in with her previous partner. I find it odd that she developed allergies to animals she had for years, and I can’t help but feel suspicious about her motives. I want to be supportive, but I’m starting to feel like there’s always a new issue or excuse, which makes me feel overwhelmed. I believe that if she engaged in social activities like part-time work or volunteering, it could improve her happiness and well-being. However, I’m also worried about her spending habits. While I love treating her to lavish trips and dining out regularly, it feels like nothing I do is ever enough. I’m beginning to feel burnt out and sad, as if my feelings don’t matter and there’s a lack of compromise in our relationship. I really need some guidance on how to navigate this situation.
I’m 25F and I’m struggling in the dating scene. I’ve gone on dates and had a few “flings,” but I’ve never gone all the way with anyone. I’ve always wanted to save that for someone in a relationship, but it feels like that’s not going to happen anytime soon. Dating is tough for me because it takes a while to truly like someone, and it’s hard to find someone who matches my pace. Plus, I live in an area where there aren’t many educated people, and I find myself really attracted to the mind. I’ve noticed I don’t click with many guys in my hometown. Most aren’t interested in academics, while I’m currently in my grad program on an internship. We just don’t seem to share the same interests, especially compared to the men I meet in school or with degrees.
It’s not that I’m ruling out men without degrees completely, but I’ve noticed this trend consistently. I live in a very car-dependent area, which doesn’t help me meet people naturally either. I don’t have many friends here, and I moved here from my college town in July, so I don’t know many people in my new area yet. Any advice on navigating this situation or finding someone who matches my interests and pace would be really appreciated!
So, I met this girl in January last year through my cousin, and we really hit it off. She’s pretty much my type. Earlier this year, she went to the UK and briefly had a boyfriend, but they broke up before she came back to Australia 2-3 weeks ago. Anyway, we saw each other on New Year’s Eve at a party with a big group of friends. We connected right away, dancing, chatting, and shared a kiss as the night went on. Later, we ended up having a nightcap together, shared a bit more than just a kiss, and ended up sleeping in the same bed. We didn’t sleep together, but it felt genuine and real. Afterward, we all got up like nothing happened, and she went home.
I’m really into her and I’m wondering how to proceed. The next time we’ll see each other is in two weeks at a friend’s going-away drinks. Should I wait until then to feel out the vibe, or should I message her and start a conversation before that? I was even considering asking her to Uber in with me since we live closer to each other than most of our friends, but I don’t know her that well yet. Also, considering she recently broke up with her boyfriend, I don’t want to come on too strong. Does anyone have any advice on how to approach this?
My fiancé (26F) and I (28M) have always split expenses 50-50, regardless of our income levels. During the COVID period, she was working as a travel nurse and made significantly more money than I did, making around $190,000 a year, while I earned about $100,000. She was able to save up a lot during that time, which I was very happy for her about.
However, about two years ago, due to stress, she took a significantly lower-paying job and now makes around $85,000 per year. Over the past year, we’ve been discussing marriage and planning for our future, including buying a house. She was recently in a car accident and received a payout of $30,000 for her totaled car, but after paying off the car, she netted around $22,000.
When we talked about buying a new car, I suggested something in the range of $20,000-$35,000, but she ended up purchasing a $55,000 car. I protested the purchase because I believed it would delay our financial goals, like buying our first house within the next two years. She also has expensive tastes when it comes to houses, so I was concerned about the impact on our finances.
At this point, I’m making around $150,000 annually, and she’s making $85,000. I’ve always driven a modest car, paid off for two years, and felt that buying a $55,000 car was an unnecessary expense, especially when we have shared financial goals. I told her that we could prioritize the house first and that after we’re settled, she could get a luxury car, but she insisted on purchasing the expensive car.
Since I started earning $150,000, our expense split has shifted to 70/30, with me covering the larger portion because her monthly expenses are higher. After she bought the expensive car, I mentioned that since she can afford those luxuries, it didn’t make sense for me to continue paying a larger share, and suggested we go back to a 50/50 split. She responded by accusing me of being financially abusive, even though when she was making more than me, we always went 50/50.
This has really made me question whether this relationship is the right fit. I value financial responsibility, and it’s frustrating to feel like our financial priorities aren’t aligned.
Affiliate Guru
a year ago
I’m feeling really overwhelmed and could use some advice. I (32F) have a 7-month-old baby, and my husband (42M) and I have been struggling with a lot of things lately. I exclusively nurse our baby after some early feeding challenges, and I’ve been dealing with some personal health issues that make things even more difficult. Since my baby was born, I’ve had skin rashes that turned out to be something more serious than I initially thought. Managing these issues, especially with my hands, has been tough since I’m the primary caregiver for our baby, and I need my hands for everything. Our routine has been that I’m mostly at home with the baby full-time while my husband works. I’ve been really struggling with exhaustion. The baby wakes up early, and I often nurse him and then get a brief window of time to rest while he’s with his dad. That short time in the morning is my only chance to get some sleep and recharge for the rest of the day, especially after a long night of caring for the baby. But I’m not getting the emotional support I need from my husband, and it’s really starting to affect me. This morning, things took a turn. I was extremely tired after a long night and needed that short time to rest. Instead of letting me sleep, my husband insisted I wake up, and when I didn’t immediately, he poured cold water on my face while I was asleep. I was half-asleep, and it completely startled me. This triggered a fight, and we ended up arguing about it. I was so shaken by it all that I suggested we cancel the meal prep service we had hired for the day, since I didn’t feel emotionally capable of having a stranger in the house while we were fighting. My husband got furious and said, “No, she’s fired if you cancel her! You can starve!” He also accused me of “faking” being asleep and dismissed how I was really feeling. This behavior has been happening for a while now. I’ve been asking my husband for emotional support for months, but all I get in return is invalidation and dismissal. I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells, and it’s becoming too much for me. I don’t know who to turn to for support, and I’m just so exhausted, both physically and emotionally. I don’t know what to do at this point. I need help and guidance on how to address this situation, especially because I’ve tried to communicate my needs to my husband, but nothing seems to change. Any advice would be really appreciated.
My husband (26M) and I (26F) have been together since we were 15, and I’ve loved him for even longer. I love him more than anything, and I truly can’t imagine my life without him. But something happened, and I don’t know what to do.My husband has always been a natural flirt, even when we were younger. He claims he doesn’t realize he’s flirting and never means to. But it’s led to a few situations where women think he’s flirting with them. He’s always assured me that he loves me and would never intentionally hurt me. This has caused some insecurities in me, but he’s always been so loving, and I trusted him.A few days ago, he went out to a bar with friends. I wasn’t feeling well, so I went to bed early. I was woken up the next morning when he told me he needed to talk. He confessed that he got very drunk and kissed one of our friends, let’s call her Jenny (25F). He said they both regretted it immediately, and he doesn’t know why it happened. I was devastated. He kept saying it was just a kiss and didn’t mean anything, but it’s hard for me to process.I don’t want to leave him. Our lives are so intertwined that it feels impossible to imagine anything different. We’ve been planning for a future together, with kids, and our families love each other. We’ve had what seemed like a perfect marriage until now.I told him I needed time to think, and he went to stay at his sister’s place. Now, I’m struggling. I love him, and I don’t want to leave him over a kiss, but knowing he kissed another woman is tearing me apart. Has anyone been through something similar? Should I talk to Jenny before I talk to him? Any advice would really help me. I have a couple of days before I face him again, so any input is appreciated.LITTLE UPDATE: I decided to call Jenny, and she answered right away. She immediately apologized, and we agreed to meet in person to talk. I’m meeting her in a few hours. Wish me luck.UPDATE 3 DAYS LATER: Sorry for the delay, I’ve been busy these past few days. Here’s the update: I met with Jenny at a park. She apologized again and assured me there was nothing romantic between her and my husband. They were both drunk, and it was just a stupid mistake.I asked her to explain everything in detail. She said that after everyone had been drinking, she and my husband were dancing. They were having fun, and then some of the group left. She said the dancing was harmless, but at some point, she noticed how close they were, and she kissed him. She took responsibility for initiating the kiss, and when they realized what happened, they pulled away. She apologized right away, and he said he needed to go and left.She expressed regret and said she understood if I never wanted to speak to her again or if I wanted to end their friendship. She was emotional during the conversation. I decided to call the other friends who were there. Two of them confirmed the story up until they left, and the third confirmed that after my husband went to flirt with a girl, he came to him, said he was leaving, and quickly left. Jenny looked sad, and then she left as well.So that’s the explanation. I’m going to talk to my husband tomorrow and will update you after that.As of now, I’m not leaving him. If everything is true and that’s exactly what happened, I’m going to stay. I love him too much to throw away an 11-year relationship over one kiss. I know some of you may think I’m being naïve, but I just can’t let go of all we’ve built. I’m definitely going to set boundaries and make sure this doesn’t happen again, but I’m not going to divorce him."Possible Responses and Advice:Compassionate Understanding: "It’s completely understandable that you’re struggling with this. You’ve been with him for so long, and you’ve built a life together. It’s hard to just walk away from everything, especially when you still love him. Talking to Jenny to hear her side seems like a good step, and it seems like you’re processing everything carefully. Trust and communication are key—if you decide to stay, setting clear boundaries will be essential to rebuild trust and avoid future issues."Realistic Perspective: "You’re going through an incredibly tough situation, and it’s okay to take your time in figuring out what’s best for you. It’s great that you talked to Jenny and got her side of the story. Remember, you deserve to feel valued and respected in your relationship. If you choose to stay, make sure your boundaries are respected, and make space for your feelings. It’s not easy, but it’s your decision, and you don’t need to rush it."Supportive Reminder: "This situation must feel like a whirlwind, and it’s understandable that you’re torn between staying with the person you love and processing the hurt. You’re not naïve for wanting to hold onto what you have, but make sure you prioritize your emotional well-being too. If you decide to stay, take your time with healing and setting boundaries—this might take a little while. But if he truly loves you, he will understand and support your need for growth in your relationship."
I (29F) am married to my husband (29M) through an arranged marriage. We're both Muslim Maranaos from the Philippines, where arranged marriages are a common tradition. Every couple I know from both my family and his family has had an arranged marriage. I’m a general physician, and when we were introduced, my husband was a law student – he still is, currently in his final semester.
At the moment, I’m the sole provider for both of us, and I’m wondering if it’s wrong for me to expect him to pass the bar exam, given the reasons he married me and our current dynamics.
TL;DR: I’m a doctor married to a law student who feels pressured to pass the bar exams. I’m currently the sole provider, and I’m wondering if my expectations are unreasonable.
My husband and I have been married for five years, and over the past two years, I’ve noticed that his breath has started smelling really bad. It’s so bad that it smells like poop or mothballs. He has really good dental hygiene—he brushes twice a day, flosses every night, uses Therabreath, and gets his semi-annual dental cleanings. He’s never had a cavity. But still, even just 5-10 minutes after brushing, his breath will still smell awful. This has started affecting our sex life. We don’t kiss as much because I’m so turned off by it, and it’s become a real problem for me. I feel terrible about it, but I’ve tried talking to him about it in a kind and gentle way, as well as being more direct. However, he always gets defensive and shuts down. I know it makes him feel insecure, but he still hasn’t done anything to address it. He’s in the military, so he has to see military doctors for everything, and he uses that as an excuse. He says, “I’m not sure where I’d even go for this, and I guess I’ll just tell them my wife thinks I have bad breath and need it checked out.” I wish there was a way for him to understand that I’m bringing this up because I care about him and our marriage. I miss kissing him, cuddling, and being close to him. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but it’s becoming a serious issue, and I don’t know what else to do.
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My partner (31F) and I (28F) have been together for two and a half years, and we've been engaged since August. Our relationship has been amazing overall, but there's a significant issue involving her parents, and it's been escalating over the past few months. They have always had a complicated relationship with her, but it seems to worsen whenever she starts a new relationship. This pattern is evident in both her past relationships and ours. A big point of tension recently has been our wedding plans. After a disagreement with her mom about the location of the wedding, they didn't speak for a few months, and we were forced to change the wedding location to something closer to her family. Honestly, it feels like they "won" this argument, and I can't help but feel frustrated and angry about it. Adding to this, we had planned for my partner to spend Christmas with my family, but when we visited her family for New Year's, we were completely ignored. No one spoke to us until the evening when alcohol was involved, which was uncomfortable. My question is, how do I continue in a relationship where my partner's parents treat both of us poorly, yet my partner expects me to still participate in family events? Is it unreasonable for me to ask to not be included in group gatherings or family events with her parents? I don't want her to cut them off, but I simply don't want to put myself in situations where I'm mistreated. Is it fair to request this, or am I being unreasonable? I'm trying to figure out how to move forward, but it's hard to deal with the stress from her family, especially with the wedding coming up.
Ajmal Habib
7 days ago
"My (22F) dad (54M) texted me and my brother (19) in a group chat saying that he had found someone else who made him happier. He’s been married to my mom (54) for 31 years. Unbeknownst to us, he had met a new woman (I’ll call her Sandy) on Twitter. Sandy lives across the country, and she flew in to visit my dad for a week in November. The following morning, my dad texted us again, saying he felt guilty about everything and wanted to work on our family. He came home, my mom agreed to work on their marriage, and we tried to fix things.
However, in the first week of December, I found out that my dad had started talking to Sandy again. My mom was in denial and didn’t believe me, so we continued trying to fix things as a family.
Then, on December 23, my dad called me and said he was leaving us for Sandy, for good this time. She made him happy, and he wanted to be with her. I spent Christmas Eve with my mom and brother, and I’ve never seen my mom so devastated before. It was heartbreaking to witness. On Christmas morning, my dad texted my mom saying that Sandy had kicked him out because she realized she wasn’t being a good Christian by breaking up a marriage, and he needed to come home to fix the family. So, my mom took him back, but everything feels off now.
To make matters worse, I found out that my dad had taken all of the money from my savings account and my brother’s account to pay for bills and a hotel room with Sandy. We never had access to those accounts, but he co-signed on them when we were younger, so I trusted him.
Now that my dad is back in the house and him and my mom are trying to fix their relationship and go 'back to normal,' I feel completely lost. Every word my dad says, I second-guess. I don’t trust him anymore, and the entire family dynamic feels so off. I’m also financially struggling and don’t know what to do. Emotionally and financially, I’m at a loss and would love guidance on what I can do."
Response:
I’m really sorry you're going through this—dealing with betrayal, emotional pain, and financial strain all at once can feel overwhelming. It’s clear that you’re going through a lot right now, and I want to validate your feelings of confusion and hurt. Your father’s actions have disrupted the trust and stability you once had, and it’s understandable that you’re unsure of how to proceed. Here are a few things to consider as you navigate this difficult time:
Trust Issues and Family Dynamics: The most important thing that’s been impacted here is trust. Not only has your father betrayed your trust by leaving the family and handling things in an extremely hurtful way, but his actions with your savings accounts also add a financial betrayal to the emotional one. When trust is broken, it takes time to rebuild, if ever. It’s okay for you to feel unsure about your relationship with him moving forward. It’s crucial to set boundaries with him until you feel like he’s truly working on regaining that trust, if you even choose to continue a relationship with him.
Financial Concerns: Financial struggles are really hard, especially when you feel like you’ve been taken advantage of. Since you and your brother didn’t have access to those accounts, it’s important to consider taking steps to protect yourself and your finances moving forward. If you can, consider opening new accounts that your dad doesn't have access to. You might want to speak to a financial advisor or someone you trust to ensure your finances are safe and protected.
Your Emotional Health: It’s clear that this situation is weighing heavily on you emotionally. Watching your mom go through so much pain, feeling betrayed by your dad, and having your sense of stability shaken can be overwhelming. It’s crucial to prioritize your mental and emotional health during this time. If you can, consider talking to a counselor or therapist to help process these feelings of hurt, confusion, and betrayal. It’s okay to not have everything figured out and to ask for professional support as you work through this.
Your Relationship with Your Dad: Right now, you’re in a position where you have every right to feel hurt and distrustful. It may not feel possible to just "go back to normal" with him as if nothing happened. You may need space from him to figure out what you need moving forward. Whether that means distancing yourself emotionally or establishing new boundaries, your well-being needs to come first. It’s okay to take time to assess whether you want to continue a relationship with him.
Supporting Your Mom: Your mom is clearly devastated by this situation as well, and while you want to support her, it’s important to remember that you can’t fix everything for her. She needs to make her own decisions about her relationship with your dad, but it might help to have open, honest conversations with her about how you’re feeling. She might be in denial or trying to keep the family together for the sake of normalcy, but it’s essential that you express your concerns and take care of your own emotional health as well.
Moving Forward: You don’t have to have all the answers right now. Take things one day at a time. Work on protecting your financial situation, set emotional boundaries with your dad, and seek the support you need from a counselor or trusted individuals in your life. You deserve to have your feelings acknowledged, and it’s okay to prioritize your own healing and well-being above all else.
It’s a tough situation, but remember that you’re not alone. Seek support from trusted friends, family, or professionals, and give yourself time to process everything. Take care of yourself, and don’t feel pressured to have everything figured out immediately.
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a year ago
My husband and I have been together for three years, married for one. I absolutely adore him, and I know he feels the same way about me. There’s no insecurity in our marriage, and I’m not posting this because I’m worried about potential issues. I’m genuinely curious to hear from couples who have been married 30+ years about what has made their relationships successful.
How have you overcome challenges? Where are you now in your relationship? I often see posts about marriages falling apart, but rarely about those that are thriving. I’d love to hear your stories and advice!
My wife (40F) and I (32M) went through an incredibly difficult loss in November 2024 when we lost our daughter to stillbirth. My wife, with her three grown children, has more experience with raising kids, while this was going to be my first. This has been one of the hardest periods of my life. I’ve faced many hardships, but nothing could have prepared me for the pain of holding my daughter, who was no longer with us.
What’s been even harder is seeing my wife suffer through a long and painful healing process. She has dealt with infections and acute postpartum complications. It's been over a month, and she's just now starting to get better. Despite doctors failing to stop the bleeding, I was able to find a vitamin supplement that’s helped her immensely. She’s been incredibly strong throughout this entire ordeal, always finding ways to cope, and I try to support her by cooking her favorite meals and being by her side to help with her health.
Although our families have been supportive, and we’ve been able to talk and share our pain, we haven’t fully had the time or space to process and grieve. We’ve talked about possibly trying for another baby once she’s healed, as we always wanted one together. But after consulting with multiple doctors, we’ve learned that another pregnancy, especially with a fourth c-section, would be extremely risky due to potential complications like organ punctures and adhesions. This news has been crushing for us. The doctors are now recommending that she use permanent contraception, which she refuses to do, and I completely understand her reluctance.
I’m torn between wanting to have a child of our own to fill the void left by our loss, and the fear of losing my wife because the procedure could be so dangerous. At the same time, I don’t want to look selfish in front of her children, who would hate me if anything happened to her. My wife has told me that if she were to pass, I should take on the responsibility of raising our child, and I’ve agreed. While the idea of raising a child without her is heartbreaking, I love her deeply and am committed to supporting her through everything. We’ve discussed surrogacy, but it’s financially out of reach for us, and adoption doesn’t feel right for us at this time.
I just don’t know where this leaves our marriage or what the future holds. I want her to heal, to grieve, and to not feel pressured by any decisions regarding another child. I feel like we’re at a crossroads, and any advice on how to move forward would mean the world to us.
Guys, 1 22F and him 29M we have been in a relationship for 6 months but in all that months i have finished only once. What should i do?
I 22F and my boyfriend 29 M, We have had multiple intercourse and i have finished only once, he has been in many different sexual relationships but he is my first, i don't know what is going wrong. But i only finished once when he went down on me. I feel something is wrong with me. I feel like maybe we should try different approaches or maybe take a break. I don’t want him to feel that am insulting him but am not able to finish with whatever he is doing.
Since he has been in many different sexual encounters i think he knows more and I am not sure what should i do?
TL/DR** I don't know why am not able to finish with my boyfriend. He has more experience and its my first and I dont have the heart to tell him
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I’m 28, and she’s 32. I received her profile on a matrimonial website, and I was initially attracted to her after seeing her first photo. We haven’t matched our horoscopes yet, but if they align, should I move forward? TL;DR: I’m 28 and she’s 32. Is it okay to marry an older woman?
I need some advice! So, I (23F) and my ex (21M) have been broken up for a while, but we're still friends since we have a lot of mutual friends and no bad blood. We've both agreed to keep boundaries and stay friends. A couple of months ago, I was really sure he was the one I wanted to be with, but now I'm feeling confused and keep either ghosting him or texting him in a very dry way. The breakup happened because I was going through a lot at the time, and I didn't feel like it was fair to drag him down with me. Now, I'm not sure if it's attachment or something else. He also lives in another city for university, which is something I can't ignore because I'm not sure I could handle a long-distance relationship. I just don’t think it's something I could do. I'm really confused, and I sometimes feel guilty when I ghost him. He’s also expressed interest in getting back together and said he would wait for me, but I don’t want him to do that because it doesn’t feel fair to him. I’m not sure what I’m doing or how to navigate this. I could really use some help!
rewrite the messages that I will send and give answers also.
I (32M) reconnected with an old friend (30M) from my military days in 2021 after losing touch for a few years. He and his wife live just 15 minutes away, so we started hanging out more often. Over time, I noticed that they often bicker, which seemed typical for a long-term couple, but sometimes her comments towards him felt disrespectful. He’s shared with me that he struggles with depression and has had thoughts of suicide, although he stays strong for their kids, which has made me concerned for him. I had developed a good friendship with his wife, where we’d joke around and share memes, but nothing inappropriate ever happened. However, during a birthday party for their youngest child, there was a moment of tension between them. In front of everyone, she mentioned that they had argued about me, implying that my friend thought we’d been intimate. It was awkward, and I left the party feeling uncomfortable. The next day, I spoke with both of them—she apologized, and I clarified that nothing had occurred between us. Later, I went out to a bar, and she called me to ask where I was. She showed up with a couple of friends and, during the evening, started flirting with me and repeatedly asked if I’d be interested in being intimate. I firmly declined and made it clear that I would never betray her husband. After that night, I felt conflicted and upset, unsure of how to approach my friend without causing serious issues for his family. Update: I eventually decided to be honest with my friend. I also discussed the situation with my girlfriend, and both of them handled it surprisingly well. My friend told me that his wife had lied, claiming we had “just happened” to meet at the bar. I clarified the truth, including how she had called me and showed him that I had blocked her on social media. He thanked me for being honest.
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a year ago
I'm feeling really upset with my boyfriend (30M) right now. We've been together for nine months, and things have been tough lately. My dad (54M) has been struggling with the effects of a stroke, and his condition has worsened recently. I shared all of this with my boyfriend, and he initially believed me. However, we've had some issues in our relationship, especially after I had to stay with my dad as his primary caregiver during the holidays. My boyfriend lives six hours away, and he told me he needed a break, so we didn't spend the holidays together. After not talking for six days, I finally reached out to him to update him on my dad's condition. To my surprise, he expressed doubt about my story and seemed to think I was lying about taking care of my dad. He even said he wouldn’t call me anymore and would only communicate via text, and even then, he was distant because he felt hurt that I couldn't be with him during the holidays. Today, after I updated him again about my dad, he revealed that he had gone behind my back and called a friend of his who is a doctor in my city to verify whether my dad had actually been admitted to the hospital. I was absolutely disgusted. It feels like a complete betrayal of trust, especially since I confided in him during such a difficult time. It also feels like he invaded my dad's privacy. I'm not sure what to do next or how to move forward from this situation. Any advice would really help.
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