Ryker Jan6 days agoMy wife (40F) and I (32M) went through an incredibly difficult loss in November 2024 when we lost our daughter to stillbirth. My wife, with her three grown children, has more experience with raising kids, while this was going to be my first. This has been one of the hardest periods of my life. I’ve faced many hardships, but nothing could have prepared me for the pain of holding my daughter, who was no longer with us. What’s been even harder is seeing my wife suffer through a long and painful healing process. She has dealt with infections and acute postpartum complications. It's been over a month, and she's just now starting to get better. Despite doctors failing to stop the bleeding, I was able to find a vitamin supplement that’s helped her immensely. She’s been incredibly strong throughout this entire ordeal, always finding ways to cope, and I try to support her by cooking her favorite meals and being by her side to help with her health. Although our families have been supportive, and we’ve been able to talk and share our pain, we haven’t fully had the time or space to process and grieve. We’ve talked about possibly trying for another baby once she’s healed, as we always wanted one together. But after consulting with multiple doctors, we’ve learned that another pregnancy, especially with a fourth c-section, would be extremely risky due to potential complications like organ punctures and adhesions. This news has been crushing for us. The doctors are now recommending that she use permanent contraception, which she refuses to do, and I completely understand her reluctance. I’m torn between wanting to have a child of our own to fill the void left by our loss, and the fear of losing my wife because the procedure could be so dangerous. At the same time, I don’t want to look selfish in front of her children, who would hate me if anything happened to her. My wife has told me that if she were to pass, I should take on the responsibility of raising our child, and I’ve agreed. While the idea of raising a child without her is heartbreaking, I love her deeply and am committed to supporting her through everything. We’ve discussed surrogacy, but it’s financially out of reach for us, and adoption doesn’t feel right for us at this time. I just don’t know where this leaves our marriage or what the future holds. I want her to heal, to grieve, and to not feel pressured by any decisions regarding another child. I feel like we’re at a crossroads, and any advice on how to move forward would mean the world to us.1414
Ryker JanRyker Jan